Author: Rob Thompson

Negotiation strategy and pain points

Whether it be politics, real estate or interpersonal relationship issues, part of an effective negotiation strategy is knowing the other party’s position and pain points.

If your position is lose/lose for them, it may be more beneficial for them to walk away and lose less than accepting your offer (or demand as they will likely perceive it, if it’s a losing proposition for them).

This is fine if you operate in a zero sum world.

If you want long term success, you may want to consider your strategy.

Frameworks and why are there so many?

credit: pixabay

“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.”
– André Gide

I was reading my friend Andrew Whitehouse’s blog this morning and came across a post he wrote regarding originalism in thought and work. In addition to the quote above, he said (wrote?) something that jumped out at me, articulating the why of what I do here. That is:

That’s what I’m aiming for here. (The “what is it for?” for this blog.): Looking for patterns in the work others have done, applying my own perspective, writing about it, noticing what’s there, and then iterating.
– Andrew Whitehouse

This all circles back to something I’ve asked myself quite a bit, “Why are there so many different frameworks that say much the same thing when you boil them down to basics?”

I think the answer is that:

1) people weren’t necessarily listening at that moment (that framework X was developed)

or (as if not more likely)

2) it wasn’t said in a way that resonated

To the latter point, Seth Godin’s Linchpin hit me like a hammer. It articulated the principles I’ve tried to live by in such a way that it resonated with me. Further, it allowed me to articulate them in turn to people around me. Colonel John Boyd’s OODA loop also resonates with me. However, it doesn’t resonate with everyone. A particular piece of feedback I’ve received about the OODA loop is, ‘It’s too military a mindset for me with it’s talk of opponents and breaking other loops.’ To this I said to the person, “That’s totally ok. There are a number of other frameworks that may resonate with you!”

What’s the bottom line here?

Don’t give up. Your voice may be – will be – the one that resonates with someone. 

DRAFT: Synthesis / development of a framework

I am working on developing a framework based on the principles in these books. This is the “flow” as it speaks to me currently.

Here are the Amazon (non affiliate) links for these works:

Linchpin by Seth Godin

Finite & Infinite Games by James P. Carse

Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill 

Antifragile by Nassim Taleb

Science, Strategy & War by Frans P.B. Osinga

Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

TDS: A trained mind is better than any script

image from pixabay

What a profound statement.

You need not operate off of a script. Instead, train your mind. When I was a young NCO, I used to ask myself, when confronted with bad news or an angry individual, “Will this matter in five seconds? Five minutes? Five days?”

The questions gave me space to think before I reacted. This had a couple of positive side effects:

  1. It let me give a measured reaction.
  2. It developed a reputation as unflappable.

You don’t need to know what to do in every circumstance. You just need to know you can adapt. Develop your mantra, think before you react.

No zero days

My current goal list

I’m reading “Discipline Equals Freedom” by Jocko Willink and came across this concept of “No Zero Days”.

In his text, he speaks about a zero day being a day in which you didn’t make an effort to advance your personal goals (paraphrased). If you find yourself at 11:55 PM one night, not having done anything you’d qualify as advancing a goal, then get it done.

Pick up the guitar, practice that song.

Pick up that book, read a passage (for me, it’s Linchpin by Seth Godin or The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday).

Knock out 20 pushups.

Do SOMETHING.

This message resonated so powerfully it made it on my daily goal list (pictured).

“I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.” – Plutarch

“I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.” – Plutarch

When I was a young NCO, first leading Airmen, I used to practice a framework of sorts. Whenever I heard bad news, I would internally ask myself, “Will this matter in 5 minutes? 5 hours? 5 days?”

Externally, I kept my composure while asking this question, then I would respond as I felt the situation dictated, or not if I felt that was the best response. It had it’s pros (a reputation as unflappable) and cons (one of my Airman observed once – quite angrily) that I was a “damn robot!”

In our social media driven, instant communication world, do you have a framework?

of strength and calm minds

Anger, it is often said, is a powerful weapon.

I submit to you that a calm mind is far more powerful.

As I read this passage today in The Daily Stoic, I was reminded of a moment a couple of months ago during a sparring exercise with another Krav Maga student. As we engaged in our battle of OODA loops, he landed a good blow upon my person, which…engaged…a predictably angry response internally, to the point where I nearly threw out all training and wanted to brawl.

In that moment, I exposed myself to additional potential attacks from my calmer opponent.

It was only when I asserted the calm state internally, remembered my stance and that I knew what I was doing and was capable of, that I was able to defend against further attacks and, in fact, land a solid blow upon his person.

Of course, Aurelius’ words apply to more than physical combat. Calm minds plan and execute better decisions in business and life, too.